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February 2013

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Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML

by sniperkit / 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, really desperate to get a job, I filled out an application for a dishwashing job. My application got tossed out, because I'm not an economics major like the other guy applying for the same job. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2013 at 12:55pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

by Puppylove / 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2013 at 9:12pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

by Colleen Nichols / 02/04/2013 at 7:17am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2013 at 7:43pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

by Thai rice mistake / 02/12/2013 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

by thecatlady / 02/27/2013 at 2:12am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

by merp. / 02/02/2013 at 1:57am / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, my hairdresser apologised because he couldn't distinguish the hair from the back of my head from the hair from my back. FML

by Edgarillo / 02/14/2013 at 2:59am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

by likearacehorse / 02/12/2013 at 5:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, a colleague gave me an expensive box of chocolates for my birthday. I was surprised she spent so much on me, but didn't think much of it. Only when I got back home and excitedly opened the box did I realise the chocolates had expired months ago. FML

by Migole / 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.