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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

#20492510
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32991) - you deserved it (5756)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

#20500833
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32941) - you deserved it (2586)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

#20524030
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32918) - you deserved it (4644)

On 02/27/2013 at 2:17am - intimacy - by panicelement (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

#20500118
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32803) - you deserved it (1998)

On 02/09/2013 at 8:39pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

#20492128
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32779) - you deserved it (4005)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm - love - by guessnot (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

#20513337
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32778) - you deserved it (7601)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

#20523139
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32754) - you deserved it (7204)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:26pm - love - by pooh anne (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

#20513499
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32744) - you deserved it (2639)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML

#20517380
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32696) - you deserved it (3401)

On 02/22/2013 at 9:51am - kids - by Paris101 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

#20503604
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32631) - you deserved it (3232)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm - misc - by Meaghan (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

#20524308
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32609) - you deserved it (5174)

On 02/27/2013 at 11:43am - misc - by dangerZone - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

#20507668
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32573) - you deserved it (3571)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:53am - health - by youmindyourownbusiness - United States (Illinois)

Today, a co-worker invited me to go out for lunch with him. I politely declined, saying I had too many errands to do. The truth is that I'm just too broke. I'll be buying myself a burrito using quarters I found on the floor of my car. FML



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