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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43362) - you deserved it (4503)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43061) - you deserved it (10062)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42861) - you deserved it (14277)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

#20438192
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42820) - you deserved it (2038)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:31am - love - by alynna007 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41899) - you deserved it (3525)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41400) - you deserved it (4794)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

#20438672
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41341) - you deserved it (9440)

On 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

#20476700
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41317) - you deserved it (3007)

On 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by frozensolid (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (2775)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

#20473479
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40896) - you deserved it (2630)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm - kids - by Female (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

#20450521
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40482) - you deserved it (6013)

On 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm - love - by GDBeast (man) - United States

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

#20453200
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40378) - you deserved it (2698)

On 01/11/2013 at 3:03am - health - by Kftc88 - United States (California)



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