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December 2012

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Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

#20403025
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30907) - you deserved it (3342)

On 12/17/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by Cold (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30850) - you deserved it (22836)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30805) - you deserved it (3799)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

#20403594
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30776) - you deserved it (5743)

On 12/17/2012 at 11:21am - kids - by Bonding_boys (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

#20402162
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30638) - you deserved it (2979)

On 12/16/2012 at 2:15pm - love - by lovelychris - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

#20405217
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30592) - you deserved it (5066)

On 12/18/2012 at 5:03am - kids - by teejayrn -

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30490) - you deserved it (5115)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

#20418159
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30347) - you deserved it (2212)

On 12/24/2012 at 5:09am - misc - by heya - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30109) - you deserved it (3656)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

#20405418
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30099) - you deserved it (8592)

On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML

#20423057
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30096) - you deserved it (2371)

On 12/26/2012 at 3:53am - misc - by Shelle (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my workplace was having a raffle and was giving away a Venus shaving kit. A co-worker won, but instead of keeping it, she walked over and handed the basket to me in front of everyone, said "You need it more" and walked away. FML

#20433619
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30092) - you deserved it (5952)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:17am - work - by shaving kit (woman) -



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