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December 2012

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Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

#20430634
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25225) - you deserved it (2883)

On 12/29/2012 at 8:01pm - work - by nose hurts (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25145) - you deserved it (3204)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was burgled while I was on the toilet. FML

#20402014
133 comments

Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML

#20187584
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25103) - you deserved it (8194)

On 12/02/2012 at 3:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

#20195835
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25061) - you deserved it (3941)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

#20407956
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24962) - you deserved it (7561)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:33pm - misc - by Johnny (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML

#20194994
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24936) - you deserved it (15041)

On 12/07/2012 at 10:30am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24834) - you deserved it (3455)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (4861)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (11922)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (4702) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my neighbor installed a large radio that loudly plays Christmas music 24/7. When I called in a complaint to the police department they told me to, "get in the Christmas spirit." FML

#20404496
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24544) - you deserved it (7980)

On 12/17/2012 at 9:28pm - misc - by James (man) - United States

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

#20397919
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24513) - you deserved it (2043)

On 12/13/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Katie (woman) - United States



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