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December 2012

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Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24724) - you deserved it (3954)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

#20433319
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24659) - you deserved it (2963)

On 12/31/2012 at 1:46am - misc - by bpruitt95 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

#20192758
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24436) - you deserved it (1598)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27pm - money - by lonelyandcold (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me, and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

#20195284
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24416) - you deserved it (2836)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

#20193017
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24230) - you deserved it (2400)

On 12/05/2012 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

#20194179
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24170) - you deserved it (1419)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

#20194899
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24151) - you deserved it (3165)

On 12/07/2012 at 7:39am - love - by First Kiss - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

#20195319
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24134) - you deserved it (1724)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:49pm - misc - by WPA2 OR DEATH (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

#20187165
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24114) - you deserved it (1813)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:01pm - misc - by potheadloljk (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

#20401140
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24106) - you deserved it (7594)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

#20397583
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24086) - you deserved it (2295)

On 12/13/2012 at 3:58am - health - by meranda_johnson - United States

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

#20201761
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24049) - you deserved it (1599)

On 12/12/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

#20198660
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23997) - you deserved it (1553)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by Alec (man) - United States



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