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December 2012

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Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

#20405613
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12071) - you deserved it (61074)

On 12/18/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by junkie (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11960) - you deserved it (78432)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

#20418077
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11751) - you deserved it (39141)

On 12/24/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by chunderful202 - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

#20412747
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11553) - you deserved it (45911)

On 12/22/2012 at 12:01am - love - by Stupid Drunk - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

#20432015
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11452) - you deserved it (37027)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

#20408937
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11335) - you deserved it (30333)

On 12/20/2012 at 1:17pm - misc - by ScoozieBooze (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

#20190915
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11224) - you deserved it (29697)

On 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm - misc - by Vassy (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

#20411716
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10523) - you deserved it (35521)

On 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by mateyouremental - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

#20422230
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10253) - you deserved it (31407)

On 12/25/2012 at 9:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML

#20434482
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10210) - you deserved it (22972)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:42pm - work - by offtothejobcentre (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

#20416791
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10196) - you deserved it (32591)

On 12/23/2012 at 5:24pm - misc - by you fuckhobbit (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

#20186892
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9669) - you deserved it (27433)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:11pm - health - by Awkward (woman) - Bahrain



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