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December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40075) - you deserved it (4043)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40047) - you deserved it (5776)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39789) - you deserved it (14280)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML

#20430574
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39777) - you deserved it (2452)

On 12/29/2012 at 7:22pm - love - by melas303 - United States

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

#20432803
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39750) - you deserved it (4969)

On 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

#20418722
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39441) - you deserved it (12909)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by selfishsexysanta (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

#20434472
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39430) - you deserved it (3701)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

#20415162
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39268) - you deserved it (7211)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:01am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

#20417781
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39196) - you deserved it (7430)

On 12/24/2012 at 12:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39022) - you deserved it (3171)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

#20414731
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38841) - you deserved it (3148)

On 12/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by Brittany (woman) - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

#20427124
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38788) - you deserved it (7976)

On 12/28/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Alone - United States

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

#20428566
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38543) - you deserved it (4028)

On 12/28/2012 at 8:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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