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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

#20135099
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27377) - you deserved it (7587)

On 10/27/2012 at 2:42am - work - by geena - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

#20096195
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27322) - you deserved it (6797)

On 10/01/2012 at 12:23am - love - by SorryUncleTommy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

#20097040
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27311) - you deserved it (2190)

On 10/01/2012 at 5:09pm - love - by Lisa - United States (New York)

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27295) - you deserved it (6094)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27266) - you deserved it (5795)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27201) - you deserved it (3603)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27170) - you deserved it (2573)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

#20122551
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27134) - you deserved it (3144)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by not as scarred as he should be (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

#20108910
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27096) - you deserved it (2101)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57am - work - by Johnnogood (man) - United States (New York)

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

#20098412
122 comments

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

#20133890
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27014) - you deserved it (2199)

On 10/26/2012 at 3:58am - health - by Weasel123 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27000) - you deserved it (3403)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

#20106106
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26994) - you deserved it (2039)

On 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm - kids - by Skidmark Sally - United States (New Mexico)



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