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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

#20097984
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28033) - you deserved it (2922)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

#20109957
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27950) - you deserved it (1843)

On 10/10/2012 at 12:15am - work - by caltech (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27915) - you deserved it (9548)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27886) - you deserved it (7085)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

#20137933
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27817) - you deserved it (3398)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by becca (woman) - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

#20119263
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27760) - you deserved it (2765)

On 10/16/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by Mike - United States

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

#20118571
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27651) - you deserved it (1822)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to tell my best friend how wrong she is to be dating a married man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their first child. Our talk ended with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" and me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

#20108846
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27595) - you deserved it (1906)

On 10/09/2012 at 8:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27587) - you deserved it (2112)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

#20130988
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27561) - you deserved it (1698)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

#20101904
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27523) - you deserved it (2553)

On 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm - love - by imafunguy (man) - United States



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