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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34686) - you deserved it (4741)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

#20104673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34472) - you deserved it (2333)

On 10/06/2012 at 7:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

#20098094
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33907) - you deserved it (2344)

On 10/02/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by Jake (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

#20117813
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33879) - you deserved it (2602)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33837) - you deserved it (5516)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

#20140302
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33710) - you deserved it (2179)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

#20114701
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33500) - you deserved it (3177)

On 10/13/2012 at 8:04am - intimacy - by notthebesttime -

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

#20124963
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33358) - you deserved it (2769)

On 10/20/2012 at 4:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33250) - you deserved it (3454)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33169) - you deserved it (2540)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

#20103950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33009) - you deserved it (3632)

On 10/06/2012 at 6:04am - love - by Jex (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML

#20110360
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32543) - you deserved it (4788)

On 10/10/2012 at 11:05am - misc - by horriblejoke (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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