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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24441) - you deserved it (13713)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

#20112873
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24379) - you deserved it (2279)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

#20140057
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (4226)

On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML

#20128171
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24270) - you deserved it (6387)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:09pm - misc - by preggersmcgee (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

#20119087
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24170) - you deserved it (1757)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

#20133698
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24151) - you deserved it (1926)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:38am - kids - by familyofpsychos - United States (Nebraska)

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

#20134692
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24093) - you deserved it (5938)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

#20105847
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24094) - you deserved it (1429)

On 10/07/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by RIP (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I was telling my co-workers about how I'd gotten tickets to a concert in a few days. My boss overheard. Later, he told me I now have to work on the night of the concert. However, he was kind enough to offer to buy the tickets off me for half of what I'd paid for them. FML

#20106327
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24063) - you deserved it (2135)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:09pm - work - by working_as_usual (man) - United States (California)

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

#20118194
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24044) - you deserved it (2030)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:57pm - money - by Pissed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

#20112854
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24009) - you deserved it (1853)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by sadness - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

#20121056
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24008) - you deserved it (1776)

On 10/17/2012 at 2:52pm - misc - by ThreeTimesUnlucky - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

#20132312
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23998) - you deserved it (16528)

On 10/25/2012 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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