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September 2012

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Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

by dumbass / 09/06/2012 at 2:46am / United States / Health

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

by noname1025 / 09/04/2012 at 12:44pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

by mrs14 / 09/10/2012 at 10:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I wrote an e-mail to a friend stating how hot my client was. I waited for her response, but received a response from my client stating, "I would readdress this accordingly." FML

by guaranteed service / 09/07/2012 at 2:49am / United States / Work

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

by CantPublish / 09/04/2012 at 6:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was leaving the grocery store, I realized my ignition key was missing from my pocket. After searching the car and retracing my steps, I walked all the way home. Later, when we went to retrieve the car, the key was sitting in plain sight on the passenger seat. FML

by stadams1024 / 09/11/2012 at 4:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 2:34pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

by DrunkenShopper / 09/03/2012 at 1:24am / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 11:58pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML

by scumbag i guess / 09/07/2012 at 8:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous