Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Monday 12 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38819) - you deserved it (2699)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML

#20159880
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31810) - you deserved it (1954)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:12am - misc - by BulldogHoops - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31715) - you deserved it (5860)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

#20160220
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29887) - you deserved it (3461)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

#20159952
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25961) - you deserved it (2091)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25277) - you deserved it (7550)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

#20159990
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24742) - you deserved it (2883)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:50am - health - by myleghurts (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

#20161095
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (3851)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

#20160454
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21584) - you deserved it (1548)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:40pm - money - by siciliano12594 - United States (New York)

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

#20160435
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20216) - you deserved it (2494)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm - health - by Emily - United States (California)

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18462) - you deserved it (1504)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, after working out and feeling really confident, I entered a mixed wrestling competition. My first match was against a woman who was over a foot taller than me. She managed to easily lift me over her head and toss me out of the ring within seconds. Confidence: gone. FML

#20160946
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15896) - you deserved it (6681)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: