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Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

#456719
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16081) - you deserved it (117969)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by its_all_legit - United States (Virginia)

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

#1101827
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12310) - you deserved it (117895)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by asdfghjkl (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

#10903041
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9679) - you deserved it (117833)

On 06/01/2010 at 5:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

#16519347
463 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10553) - you deserved it (117435)

On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

#1176288
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15720) - you deserved it (117392)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

#600956
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23106) - you deserved it (115963)

On 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm - misc - by Lady_Luck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8966) - you deserved it (115329)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML

#19066381
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9427) - you deserved it (114733)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my mistress called my wife on the phone. FML

#524
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7247) - you deserved it (114124)

On 12/16/2008 at 12:20am - misc - by surfdown - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

#385410
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18424) - you deserved it (113699)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12653) - you deserved it (113459)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17268) - you deserved it (113375)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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