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Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9469) - you deserved it (132932)
On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46766) - you deserved it (127813)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6279) - you deserved it (126545)
On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7310) - you deserved it (125274)
On 06/04/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Unluggee (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)
Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39407) - you deserved it (125270)
On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML
I agree, your life sucks (28098) - you deserved it (124514)
On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40092) - you deserved it (123017)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cig-bud out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7969) - you deserved it (121304)
On 02/16/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Dani_Rich - United States (California)
Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. The girl I met last night came in and said "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9644) - you deserved it (119763)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27882) - you deserved it (119738)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML
I agree, your life sucks (17619) - you deserved it (118961)
On 03/07/2009 at 7:03am - intimacy - by Mulee (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)
Today, I realized that my company's calendar is synchronized throughout the whole building. The entire company now knows that I made love to my wife last Wednesday and Friday, and that I went out with a girl named Janet on Saturday. My wife's name is Julie, and she works in the same building. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7327) - you deserved it (118269)
On 06/26/2009 at 9:32pm - work - by Fred (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7767) - you deserved it (116652)
On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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