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Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9613) - you deserved it (189726)
On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12165) - you deserved it (188336)
On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States
Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22610) - you deserved it (187454)
On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66218) - you deserved it (179836)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14845) - you deserved it (176673)
On 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stoopid (man) - United States (New York)
Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8151) - you deserved it (174807)
On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)
Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14120) - you deserved it (170087)
On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9539) - you deserved it (167772)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10445) - you deserved it (165816)
On 04/03/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by C0olgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11177) - you deserved it (164421)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13505) - you deserved it (164302)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65917) - you deserved it (163245)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13778) - you deserved it (163167)
On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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