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Today, I found out why my five year old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

by inthedark / 02/09/2010 at 12:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2014 at 12:59pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

by coloring is not for me / 11/10/2015 at 12:52am / United States / Work

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

by cherokeems / 10/20/2015 at 2:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss asked me "can I give you some constructive criticism?". I said yes. He tells me "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

by crapules / 12/22/2008 at 11:18pm / Work

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

by Atomic_Tangerine / 06/29/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

by Bob / 11/11/2010 at 10:55pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

by Dammit... / 11/19/2010 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I beat her. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Health

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

by dadum / 01/27/2011 at 2:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

by phantomdriver / 03/24/2011 at 6:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

by Chia / 05/10/2013 at 6:58pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health