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Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

#17063070
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58059) - you deserved it (2946)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

#18724307
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27788) - you deserved it (2946)

On 01/06/2012 at 6:25am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

#6933145
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23150) - you deserved it (2945)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:25am - animals - by suuuuuupucci (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

#12959590
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30179) - you deserved it (2945)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:35am - misc - by Nothingonyou - Sent from mobile version

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

#18374727
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23181) - you deserved it (2945)

On 11/28/2011 at 10:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

#20033419
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23530) - you deserved it (2946)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

#20484554
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29301) - you deserved it (2945)

On 01/29/2013 at 9:51am - health - by oh no (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML

#5608454
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32290) - you deserved it (2944)

On 10/02/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Zamaria - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know 3 hours ago before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

#8765418
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30801) - you deserved it (2944)

On 03/02/2010 at 1:07am - love - by SingleSara. (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

#19617279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20953) - you deserved it (2944)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm - kids - by just me (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

#20651917
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49284) - you deserved it (2944)

On 05/09/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

#1984410
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40650) - you deserved it (2943)

On 05/16/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

#6752846
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36226) - you deserved it (2943)

On 12/14/2009 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by sadsadlady (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

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