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Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

#20968220
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43347) - you deserved it (2921)

On 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm - misc - by fs (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was on the subway, when the girl opposite me suddenly started shouting and accusing me of photographing her. I was reading a book on my phone, and I showed her the screen, but I got shoved around anyway by another guy, who threatened to report me for being a pervert. FML

#21082304
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39033) - you deserved it (2921)

On 03/09/2014 at 3:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML

Today, I went on a first date. I didn't know that licking my neck was on the agenda. FML

#21291715
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29193) - you deserved it (2921)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:24am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

#21316839
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31968) - you deserved it (2921)

On 12/13/2014 at 3:21pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

#4926157
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36686) - you deserved it (2920)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:58am - misc - by hihipanda (man) - Singapore

Today, my piano teacher told me that she "forgot" to inform me that she volunteered me to play a 5 page song in a recital in front of 300 people that's happening next week. FML

#5267545
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35089) - you deserved it (2920)

On 09/15/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by pianonerd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

#9129175
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33030) - you deserved it (2920)

On 03/16/2010 at 10:40am - misc - by please_no (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

#8794637
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23599) - you deserved it (2920)

On 03/03/2010 at 6:13am - misc - by ouch... (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

#19391692
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24622) - you deserved it (2920)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

#19138227
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23271) - you deserved it (2920)

On 02/22/2012 at 10:53am - misc - by Whoopsie - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

#20559286
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36763) - you deserved it (2920)

On 03/25/2013 at 10:48am - love - by Faaccckkk (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

#20668592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45930) - you deserved it (2920)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States



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