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Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

by ST3PH / 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 1:38am / Iraq / Work

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

by estranger / 01/03/2014 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

by Inga44 / 07/23/2009 at 7:25pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

by christine brown / 08/26/2011 at 8:03am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

by kacie smith / 09/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

by you'vegotmail(not) / 04/18/2014 at 7:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a coworker's wedding. Instead of getting to celebrate their marriage, we spent most of the service being lectured by the priest on how women are a freak by-product of "God's masterpiece design" and are the cause of all the world's problems. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 4:56am / Malawi / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

by sleepingbeauty / 04/24/2016 at 4:45am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML

by esk / 05/18/2009 at 4:48am / China (Shanghai) / Health

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

by allwaysbuggedinheaven / 07/07/2009 at 8:16am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 5:01am / Mongolia (Ulaanbaatar) / Miscellaneous