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Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

by theuglyfriend / 07/17/2012 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

by kids next door / 11/18/2013 at 5:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

by ST3PH / 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 5:01am / Mongolia (Ulaanbaatar) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's crazy ex, who let herself in with her old key. She screamed at me to get out of "her" bed, snatched "her" blanket off of my body, and finally dragged the bed itself out the door. I was still in it. FML

by jellyfish_ftw / 12/15/2009 at 5:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

by Aginsafa / 04/25/2011 at 7:41am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

by kacie smith / 09/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

by BadLuckCarson / 02/12/2013 at 12:55am / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

by queenmeme / 10/08/2014 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

by Mkimmi / 02/12/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

by Rubyscooby212 / 02/14/2015 at 11:07pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2015 at 11:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

by WCARlover / 06/19/2015 at 11:43pm / United States (Maine) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.