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Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

#14710569
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44178) - you deserved it (3265)

On 01/25/2011 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

#15049361
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33721) - you deserved it (3265)

On 02/20/2011 at 6:49am - work - by lisha182 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

#18419129
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21871) - you deserved it (3265)

On 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

#19990926
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22318) - you deserved it (3265)

On 07/29/2012 at 2:49pm - kids - by oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom (Doncaster)

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

#20679293
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43445) - you deserved it (3265)

On 05/22/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by SadPuppy - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

#8568837
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33122) - you deserved it (3264)

On 02/22/2010 at 9:46pm - love - by Crappyfayman (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

#14227030
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28675) - you deserved it (3264)

On 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm - love - by expassword (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

#18669836
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29502) - you deserved it (3264)

On 01/01/2012 at 12:41am - love - by upsetandannoyed - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34089) - you deserved it (3264)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

#5525122
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39600) - you deserved it (3263)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

#16882542
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40621) - you deserved it (3263)

On 06/27/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by mavstrr1764847 - United States (Colorado)

Today, while at Six Flags my boyfriend won a huge stuffed animal for me. After a whole day of carrying it around, when he dropped me off he told me that he wants the stuffed animal back. He just didn't want to carry it around all day. FML

#17950991
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34523) - you deserved it (3263)

On 10/10/2011 at 9:56am - misc - by Username - United States (Texas)



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