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Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

#17046646
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32617) - you deserved it (3600)

On 07/09/2011 at 11:12pm - health - by ilovedirt - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

#20561443
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35586) - you deserved it (3600)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

#7334131
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33092) - you deserved it (3599)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:46am - misc - by melonhead (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

#15931079
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34195) - you deserved it (3599)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

#18358033
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72468) - you deserved it (3599)

On 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm - love - by notsohappilyeverafter - United States (California)

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

#3228837
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43645) - you deserved it (3598)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:43am - work - by donezo (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at my Muay Thai class. We were doing a combination which consisted of a low kick, body kick and head kick. My partner had already done the low kick so I held the pads for the body kick. He kicked me straight in the jaw. I'm a teenage girl and he's a fully grown man. FML

#7586565
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34148) - you deserved it (3598)

On 01/26/2010 at 7:55am - health - by anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42838) - you deserved it (3598)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML

#21293904
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39946) - you deserved it (3598)

On 11/07/2014 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I realised that my boyfriend gets a boner every time I cry. FML

Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML

#11329600
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36160) - you deserved it (3597)

On 06/20/2010 at 9:18am - misc - by Sam - Sent from mobile version

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

#8403549
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24357) - you deserved it (3597)

On 02/18/2010 at 9:22am - health - by Hayleey_079 (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

#12224799
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42500) - you deserved it (3597)

On 07/31/2010 at 11:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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