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Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

#6421285
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26861) - you deserved it (2381)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by ellie (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML

#14525789
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31515) - you deserved it (2381)

On 01/09/2011 at 9:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

#14853922
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34869) - you deserved it (2382)

On 02/05/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by stinkerweeder (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

#18614231
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (2381)

On 12/26/2011 at 4:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

#20837266
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39460) - you deserved it (2381)

On 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

#19437878
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25598) - you deserved it (2380)

On 04/09/2012 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by Madeline Lee (woman) - France (Aquitaine)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21172) - you deserved it (2380)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

#1094822
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57772) - you deserved it (2379)

On 04/18/2009 at 7:11pm - health - by crapgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots. After an hour of taking care of them I went to clean up their mess to find the tip they had left me. On a napkin a girl had wrote "Here's your tip for the night: Don't play leap frog with unicorns." FML

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

#18728247
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26566) - you deserved it (2379)

On 01/06/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by Gemma - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

#18260182
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20641) - you deserved it (2379)

On 11/15/2011 at 11:15pm - misc - by ledon (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33324) - you deserved it (2379)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

#20119263
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23210) - you deserved it (2379)

On 10/16/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by Mike - United States



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