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Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

by koletatlow19 / 03/05/2010 at 12:23am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

by moetplease / 05/03/2011 at 12:32pm / Singapore / Love

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

by svenska75 / 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm / Health

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

by ADT / 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

by lovegotmehung / 10/29/2010 at 12:48am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

by Shooter71 / 10/16/2010 at 12:09am / Intimacy

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

by nerdwithagun / 12/24/2010 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

by hahahano / 12/24/2010 at 5:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

by Lentil / 01/31/2012 at 8:13am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

by Cold / 12/17/2012 at 12:08am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

by uvagirl / 07/04/2013 at 9:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous