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Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 2:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2009 at 7:29am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 10:00pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

by Josie / 02/21/2011 at 2:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

by drama_queen / 12/04/2009 at 12:40am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

by lexiiiiiiweee / 02/19/2010 at 5:00pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

by bunnyyy / 01/07/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

by onehitwonder / 02/10/2011 at 2:26am / Health

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

by 1942ford / 07/22/2013 at 10:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

by FamilyLoving / 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

by ditched / 08/05/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

by L.Lime05 / 08/08/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (California) / Animals