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Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

#19959612
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25395) - you deserved it (2949)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

#12782393
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28794) - you deserved it (2948)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46773) - you deserved it (2948)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my five-year-old stepson announced that he is finally no longer scared of flushing toilets. Immediately after, I discovered that he's now decided that he's scared of the bathroom sink. FML

#20947649
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35313) - you deserved it (2948)

On 11/06/2013 at 11:33am - kids - by TheMommas (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

#20953468
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34717) - you deserved it (2948)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by PainStressLife - United States (California)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42426) - you deserved it (2948)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38738) - you deserved it (2947)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

#16613518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30965) - you deserved it (2947)

On 06/11/2011 at 4:36pm - misc - by Macy (woman) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38390) - you deserved it (2947)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

#14352354
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (2947)

On 12/27/2010 at 1:23am - love - by motherlessbride (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbors cat running all over the undry paint. FML

#16956212
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25663) - you deserved it (2946)

On 07/03/2011 at 12:47am - animals - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

#19692881
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (2946)

On 05/28/2012 at 10:05am - work - by emonsteadman - United States (Texas)

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

#20710020
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52375) - you deserved it (2946)

On 06/06/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by luciazee (woman) - Peru (Lima)



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