Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

#2906688
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46745) - you deserved it (3253)

On 06/15/2009 at 6:07am - animals - by Tom (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

#4081805
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63703) - you deserved it (3253)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

#8529668
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26179) - you deserved it (3253)

On 02/21/2010 at 9:12pm - love - by Court - United States (Ohio)

Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

#13684464
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23430) - you deserved it (3253)

On 11/02/2010 at 3:13am - animals - by treats - Singapore

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50654) - you deserved it (3253)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

#21305183
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30928) - you deserved it (3253)

On 11/24/2014 at 1:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

#7564302
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22789) - you deserved it (3252)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:32am - misc - by notworthy (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

#20133630
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21560) - you deserved it (3252)

On 10/25/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by sadbride - Bahamas (New Providence)

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

#13946
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30723) - you deserved it (3251)

On 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

#8921523
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28203) - you deserved it (3251)

On 03/08/2010 at 3:54pm - love - by HaleyIsabelle - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

#15562306
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34777) - you deserved it (3251)

On 03/30/2011 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anon_a_mouse (man) - Reserved

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he is at a suicide risk from depression. FML

#16338194
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34595) - you deserved it (3251)

On 05/25/2011 at 1:21am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML

#17048924
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33582) - you deserved it (3251)

On 07/10/2011 at 2:03am - misc - by ugly (woman) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: