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Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

#18084228
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28428) - you deserved it (3629)

On 10/26/2011 at 9:38pm - love - by nekogirl15 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

#19678004
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21828) - you deserved it (3629)

On 05/25/2012 at 11:10am - misc - by whinywiper - Canada

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

#20651556
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45572) - you deserved it (3629)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

#20827624
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53768) - you deserved it (3629)

On 08/08/2013 at 5:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

#20999870
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54927) - you deserved it (3629)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

#21287196
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33781) - you deserved it (3629)

On 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

#13485648
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31518) - you deserved it (3628)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:08pm - love - by JustCantWin - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

#14894865
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33284) - you deserved it (3628)

On 02/08/2011 at 11:27am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

#14716778
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36173) - you deserved it (3628)

On 01/26/2011 at 2:48am - kids - by Braelynn -

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

#15974140
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48474) - you deserved it (3628)

On 04/29/2011 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

#18968105
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39338) - you deserved it (3628)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

#19990004
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25331) - you deserved it (3628)

On 07/29/2012 at 12:25am - love - by Anonymous - Denmark (Sjelland)

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

#20175088
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26992) - you deserved it (3628)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by Tymer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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