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Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2014 at 7:55am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Geek

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

by UTRejected / 11/21/2014 at 8:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

by campmom / 07/08/2009 at 1:02am / Kids

Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML

by blasted / 11/25/2009 at 8:56am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

by great idea / 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

by no name / 06/22/2013 at 3:20am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

by Darth Binks / 02/01/2015 at 1:48pm / Canada / Work

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad and his girlfriend left for a 10-day vacation. They booked an expensive beach-house. I'm an A grade student and just last month, he stopped paying my school fees because he 'couldn't afford it.' Oh, and he's making me feed the dog while he's away. FML

by schoolkiddo / 09/08/2010 at 3:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML

by NotAModel / 04/30/2012 at 11:50am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

by conspicuous / 09/12/2012 at 4:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, on a flight, I needed to use the restroom. The passenger next to me was in a deep sleep, and was very large, so I couldn't get out by climbing over him. The urge got severe, so I resorted to tapping him on the shoulder. Turns out he had some nice reflexes and hit me in the face. FML