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Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47874) - you deserved it (3337)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

#20881272
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40159) - you deserved it (3337)

On 09/14/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

#21292789
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29057) - you deserved it (3337)

On 11/05/2014 at 4:25pm - misc - by aineroo (woman) - Ireland (Galway)

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

#449
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24737) - you deserved it (3336)

On 12/04/2008 at 6:16am - misc - by DarkPhoenix - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

#8835059
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21860) - you deserved it (3336)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm - misc - by Grossed_out (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has a thing for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant though, my roommate is. FML

#10629274
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37225) - you deserved it (3336)

On 05/19/2010 at 4:19pm - love - by Amy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

#8448273
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20550) - you deserved it (3337)

On 02/19/2010 at 5:00pm - health - by lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22990) - you deserved it (3336)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

#19559946
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18360) - you deserved it (3336)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Megannn (woman) - United States

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

#21351395
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29907) - you deserved it (3336)

On 02/07/2015 at 7:52am - misc - by gali-ma (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45675) - you deserved it (3335)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

#20790014
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48752) - you deserved it (3335)

On 07/18/2013 at 5:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

#20973740
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39139) - you deserved it (3335)

On 11/28/2013 at 2:13pm - misc - by fuck me (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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