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Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

#17982026
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37507) - you deserved it (2913)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML

Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

#20968220
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43242) - you deserved it (2913)

On 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm - misc - by fs (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

#1280200
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56950) - you deserved it (2912)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:36am - work - by Idiocracy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

#13045584
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21429) - you deserved it (2912)

On 09/14/2010 at 4:31am - misc - by a7xforever (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

#7739701
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27161) - you deserved it (2912)

On 01/31/2010 at 9:46am - misc - by bthms - Sent from mobile version

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

#19391692
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24532) - you deserved it (2912)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

#19990341
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21636) - you deserved it (2912)

On 07/29/2012 at 4:11am - kids - by ellieowenie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

#20559286
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36629) - you deserved it (2912)

On 03/25/2013 at 10:48am - love - by Faaccckkk (woman) - United States

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

#20914908
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38306) - you deserved it (2912)

On 10/10/2013 at 7:27am - misc - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, my piano teacher told me that she "forgot" to inform me that she volunteered me to play a 5 page song in a recital in front of 300 people that's happening next week. FML

#5267545
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34925) - you deserved it (2911)

On 09/15/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by pianonerd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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