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Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

#6668848
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22499) - you deserved it (3308)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

#14019566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (3308)

On 11/29/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by AntiAxe -

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

#21355782
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32425) - you deserved it (3308)

On 02/14/2015 at 4:46am - kids - by Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - United States (Nevada)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

#2820229
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57953) - you deserved it (3307)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by dontevenassk (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

#7618857
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23316) - you deserved it (3307)

On 01/27/2010 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by Boned...hard - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

#17754607
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27574) - you deserved it (3307)

On 09/15/2011 at 10:38pm - work - by MrTandy - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (3307)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

#20859354
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56395) - you deserved it (3307)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:48pm - health - by scammed (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46418) - you deserved it (3307)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

#15049361
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34128) - you deserved it (3306)

On 02/20/2011 at 6:49am - work - by lisha182 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

#17508765
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26058) - you deserved it (3306)

On 08/18/2011 at 10:11am - misc - by JLO (man) - Australia

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

#20109382
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21159) - you deserved it (3306)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm - kids - by fionnathehuman - United States

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

#20991671
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41639) - you deserved it (3306)

On 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by thank u usa (man) - Germany



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