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Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19619) - you deserved it (2444)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

#20543737
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33412) - you deserved it (2444)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

#20547346
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34939) - you deserved it (2444)

On 03/17/2013 at 7:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

#6795519
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29380) - you deserved it (2443)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:43pm - animals - by ollierocks96 - United States (Florida)

Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry it gets better." FML

#18914321
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32499) - you deserved it (2443)

On 01/26/2012 at 6:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML

#20093240
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19375) - you deserved it (2443)

On 09/29/2012 at 3:39am - misc - by bluefrisky - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized the only reason why my boyfriend spends the night with me is because my house is closer to his job than his, and so he saves money on gas. FML

#20107548
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19479) - you deserved it (2443)

On 10/08/2012 at 2:57pm - love - by habsgurl0622 - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

#6362142
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35663) - you deserved it (2442)

On 11/18/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by screwed - United States (New York)

Today, I found out why my five year old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

#8051143
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27963) - you deserved it (2442)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:53pm - kids - by inthedark (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

#15673265
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23663) - you deserved it (2442)

On 04/06/2011 at 11:12pm - misc - by thatstinks - Iceland

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

#18029940
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22277) - you deserved it (2442)

On 10/20/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by jwhizzle - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

#20797672
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40925) - you deserved it (2442)

On 07/22/2013 at 2:30pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

#2341897
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51489) - you deserved it (2441)

On 05/27/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by thebigpeezy - United States



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