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Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

#11804292
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35562) - you deserved it (3326)

On 07/11/2010 at 2:06am - health - by Cheyenne - United States (Washington)

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

#21242612
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34120) - you deserved it (3326)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by ReluctantAntEater (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

#7835541
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30520) - you deserved it (3325)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:11am - money - by olyswimmer (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out less than 3 weeks before my wedding my fiancé will lose his new, great paying job unless we cancel our nonrefundable honeymoon. FML

#13263221
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34694) - you deserved it (3325)

On 09/30/2010 at 1:14pm - love - by no luck - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

#14325141
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40866) - you deserved it (3325)

On 12/24/2010 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by notsoclean (man) - United States (California)

Today, after recently moving to America as I've always dreamt of, I saw my first, majestic deer. My boyfriend slammed it with the rental car. FML

#18400487
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26967) - you deserved it (3325)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:41am - misc - by AmericanDream (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

#15931079
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30830) - you deserved it (3325)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

#18167431
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23509) - you deserved it (3325)

On 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm - health - by Shelbs - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

#18610596
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28967) - you deserved it (3325)

On 12/25/2011 at 8:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26122) - you deserved it (3325)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

#901011
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66547) - you deserved it (3324)

On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML

#14412798
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34410) - you deserved it (3324)

On 12/31/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by ilik3catz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

#17055167
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29793) - you deserved it (3324)

On 07/10/2011 at 4:54pm - animals - by worstfatherever - United States



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