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Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

#13082882
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29915) - you deserved it (3025)

On 09/17/2010 at 2:30am - misc - by PuppyPeeTimee. - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

#18112365
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28388) - you deserved it (3026)

On 10/30/2011 at 3:13pm - work - by Katrin - Norway

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

#886706
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60693) - you deserved it (3024)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML

#5053287
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43710) - you deserved it (3024)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by HotCurry (man) - United States

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29047) - you deserved it (3024)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (3024)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

#20641584
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49645) - you deserved it (3025)

On 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

#20984974
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36173) - you deserved it (3024)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

#6316849
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32837) - you deserved it (3023)

On 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by redisnotmycolor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

#5928824
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60803) - you deserved it (3023)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:31pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

#8824480
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21369) - you deserved it (3023)

On 03/04/2010 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

#16256468
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35903) - you deserved it (3023)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by blue. -

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

#20626458
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42911) - you deserved it (3024)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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