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Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

by Ah piss / 09/15/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Intimacy

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2013 at 1:27pm / United States (Louisiana) / Money

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 1:49pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

by thanks sis / 10/21/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

by Ansharus / 06/06/2016 at 9:47am / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

by Ned / 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML

by deadmedia / 08/29/2009 at 8:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a car with my house-mate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

by Unwanted / 06/10/2010 at 8:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a cashier at McDonald's, a man came in telling me that he had not received his hamburger. I looked at his receipt and the date said 11/17/09. FML

by crudofalife / 07/04/2011 at 5:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2013 at 5:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

by MoRuined / 10/09/2014 at 6:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love