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Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

by AAMBC4 / 04/09/2013 at 6:30am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

by goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt / 09/07/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my grandmother is coming over to my family's house to stay for about a week or so. Apparently, the guest room window isn't big enough for her dream catcher, so she wants her cat to sleep in the guest room and she wants to sleep in my room. My parents support this. FML

by themonesterman / 04/02/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

by RIP_Nose / 04/03/2014 at 5:48pm / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2009 at 7:00am / Norway (Buskerud) / Love

Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML

by sunkissedberries / 07/15/2010 at 12:12am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

by schwange / 05/15/2010 at 1:07pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Geek

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

by barista / 12/05/2010 at 12:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

by Nekro_Kat / 08/09/2011 at 11:00pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

by Albert / 09/20/2012 at 2:10am / United States / Work

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

by thanks sis / 10/21/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids