Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I was working out on a horse farm. I slipped and fell on some ice, whacking my head on the metal gate in the process. As I was getting up, I accidentally grabbed the electric fence. FML

by immaloser95 / 01/06/2015 at 4:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2009 at 4:22am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

by gross / 10/20/2010 at 12:14pm / Australia / Love

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

by asdfghjkl / 12/18/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on the family trip. To save me the trouble of finding a friend to take her in, my mum handed her back to the pound. FML

by DroopyDog / 12/27/2009 at 3:48am / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend and I have more in common than I thought. We both are sexually attracted to men. FML

by caitlinz5 / 04/18/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my roommate came back drunk from rushing fraternities. Normally I wouldn't have minded, had he not immediately pissed and thrown up everywhere after entering the room. If only I had moved my guitar and the suitcase full of clothes I had left out after returning from break. FML

by EsotericBrent / 01/09/2013 at 1:50am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Holidays

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that in the three days I left my 18-year-old son in charge, my dog had gotten pregnant. When I confronted my son about it, he stated, "I don't want the reputation of being a cock-blocker." FML

by anonymous / 09/04/2016 at 6:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

by ForgottenAgain / 08/29/2010 at 12:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

by Orangehead / 11/28/2009 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

by shouldbehappyiguess / 07/11/2013 at 2:20am / United States (Florida) / Work