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Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21080) - you deserved it (2934)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

#20146254
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28332) - you deserved it (2934)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - love - by markderanjer (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

#20575675
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30039) - you deserved it (2934)

On 04/05/2013 at 1:28am - misc - by slightlyworried (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to reccommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking; I got food poisoning from my own place of work. FML

#914179
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47688) - you deserved it (2933)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12pm - work - by newhostess (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

#4479707
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58301) - you deserved it (2933)

On 08/12/2009 at 5:01pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

#4276253
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50038) - you deserved it (2933)

On 08/04/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by superfiedman (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I called my boss and said "I have been awake since 3am throwing up." He replied with "Great, see you at 9" and hung up. FML

#14638505
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29425) - you deserved it (2934)

On 01/19/2011 at 12:31pm - work - by gb739 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (2933)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

#17892754
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25546) - you deserved it (2933)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:15am - love - by NotRussian (woman) - United States

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42236) - you deserved it (2933)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)

Today, my dog received a christmas card before I did. FML

#6678775
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26729) - you deserved it (2932)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:33am - animals - by amywee (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

#7234315
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25046) - you deserved it (2932)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:11am - health - by Michelle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

#14263192
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47110) - you deserved it (2932)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:31pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)



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