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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend was such a coward that instead of breaking up with me, he changed his phone number. FML

#19193447
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28379) - you deserved it (3307)

On 03/01/2012 at 12:35am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

#19884306
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30331) - you deserved it (3307)

On 07/03/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by Dreamer (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

#20624598
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52466) - you deserved it (3307)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:28am - misc - by whathehell (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

#5389854
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41800) - you deserved it (3306)

On 09/21/2009 at 6:53am - love - by Wronged (man) - Singapore

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

#8642847
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39146) - you deserved it (3306)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by Ringless - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

#13497431
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39872) - you deserved it (3306)

On 10/18/2010 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22015) - you deserved it (3306)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

#379
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39008) - you deserved it (3305)

On 11/24/2008 at 1:08am - love - by lectro - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

#2820229
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57884) - you deserved it (3305)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by dontevenassk (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

#6013490
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32357) - you deserved it (3305)

On 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by laxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

#2401768
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47955) - you deserved it (3304)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jazzyfayyye (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30384) - you deserved it (3304)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46379) - you deserved it (3304)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)



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