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Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

by ekoblick / 06/17/2011 at 12:34am / United States / Health

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

by yupppp / 08/08/2011 at 2:12pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, what I thought was going to be a lunch date turned into a life insurance sales pitch. FML

by WhiteCaribbean / 09/22/2014 at 3:38pm / Saint Lucia (Castries) / Intimacy

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2009 at 10:55am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

by Kate / 07/04/2011 at 3:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

by slickrick22 / 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML

by Kittykat900 / 05/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

by Gross / 07/21/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML

by Anonyme / 06/10/2011 at 7:07pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

by Coolios / 06/24/2013 at 10:16am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

by unlucky / 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

by Morgannaken / 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

by Jaded618 / 12/05/2010 at 7:48am / United States / Love