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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

#20910835
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41259) - you deserved it (3512)

On 10/07/2013 at 11:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

#13688045
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26288) - you deserved it (3511)

On 11/02/2010 at 1:20pm - work - by speechless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26339) - you deserved it (3511)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

#21069920
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37402) - you deserved it (3511)

On 02/23/2014 at 10:59pm - misc - by DIY560 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

#21305878
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30409) - you deserved it (3511)

On 11/25/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by drreeeewwww - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after listening to a group of my friends ranting on about how much they love babies and can't wait to have them, I got to witness their looks of horror and disgust as I expressed my desire to not have children. I also happened to be the only girl there. FML

#21335310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31332) - you deserved it (3511)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

#2174
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20057) - you deserved it (3510)

On 01/22/2009 at 10:22am - health - by radiant - United States (Michigan)

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

#21077667
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35311) - you deserved it (3510)

On 03/04/2014 at 7:25am - misc - by Staying Home Today (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

#21288559
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32482) - you deserved it (3510)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

#21312632
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31817) - you deserved it (3510)

On 12/06/2014 at 3:22pm - misc - by fistycunt4 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

#5133
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28987) - you deserved it (3509)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

#14702634
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25437) - you deserved it (3509)

On 01/24/2011 at 9:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

#12474079
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45728) - you deserved it (3509)

On 08/12/2010 at 8:02am - intimacy - by ScarredEars - United States



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