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TODAY I HAD TO BREAK UP A FISTFIGHT BETWEEN MY WIFE AND MOTHER. APPARENTLY MY MOM HEARD THAT I FINALLY GOT THE GREAT PAYING JOB OF MY DREAMS AND TOLD MY WIFE I'D FINALLY KICK HER "USELESS ASS TO THE CURB." WE HAVE TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS TOGETHER. FML
Today, I went to a coffee shop with friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he looool winkd at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML
yesterday my dad bought me a new laptop 4 my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop 4 work... which is more expensive... has better specs... runs faster... and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgradd laptop as my birthday present. FML
Today,hile I was out of the house, mah 6 year old brother stole mah new waterproof camera, dunked it into the toilet holding onto the wrist strap, and flushed repeatedly to see if it lived up to its "waterproof promise." It didn't. FML
2day mah mothar noticad that I hadn't takan tha trash out in a faw waaks and angry pilad various full trash bags on mah bad. I'va baan away on holiday 4 tha past thraa waaks I guass sha didn't notica that part. maga FML
Today, looool I discovered tat te man I ave been talking to on a dating site is actually ma ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile an made me fall for someone tat doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously tan we ever did in 3 yeres togeter.
Yesterday, I was sitting in mah chemistry classhen a sick girl behind me asked "Can looool I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk an me. FML
Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained withhat I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guesshat I found in my bra after work. FML
Friday 27 March 2015