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Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

#18336712
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31569) - you deserved it (3286)

On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

#20101222
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28286) - you deserved it (3286)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44am - love - by Dave (man) - United States

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21371) - you deserved it (3285)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

#19339919
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15769) - you deserved it (3285)

On 03/24/2012 at 5:07pm - health - by Stephen (man) - Sweden

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

#21129081
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39033) - you deserved it (3285)

On 05/02/2014 at 8:03pm - work - by i guess (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the family in the apartment next to me decided to give their 4-year-old kid a recorder. It's been three hours. Kill me. FML

#21127541
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37747) - you deserved it (3285)

On 04/30/2014 at 10:13pm - kids - by pleasestop (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45703) - you deserved it (3285)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, the lady whose son I babysit sent me a text, saying she left a gift for me for all the hard work I've done. I found a beautifully-wrapped box where she said the gift was. It turned out my actual gift was cookies sitting right next to it. FML

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

#12949707
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32666) - you deserved it (3284)

On 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

#20072880
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18434) - you deserved it (3284)

On 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

#20657611
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51416) - you deserved it (3284)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by Baikal - Singapore

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

#7810675
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34978) - you deserved it (3283)

On 02/02/2010 at 9:08am - misc - by jacques (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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