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Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML

#11614561
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38018) - you deserved it (3395)

On 07/02/2010 at 3:29pm - kids - by yrfavweapon - United States (New York)

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

#16053522
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32598) - you deserved it (3394)

On 05/05/2011 at 3:13am - work - by epicsandwichartist (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

#19842330
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26818) - you deserved it (3394)

On 06/25/2012 at 12:08am - kids - by abbielane - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

#20927730
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48335) - you deserved it (3394)

On 10/20/2013 at 4:34pm - money - by oh... (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

#21389410
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28353) - you deserved it (3394)

On 04/07/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

#267715
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75999) - you deserved it (3393)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

#20444015
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20073) - you deserved it (3393)

On 01/05/2013 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

#20550300
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44866) - you deserved it (3393)

On 03/19/2013 at 12:40am - love - by lanz4949 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53904) - you deserved it (3394)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

#12695884
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39520) - you deserved it (3392)

On 08/23/2010 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

#21312891
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30606) - you deserved it (3392)

On 12/06/2014 at 11:52pm - misc - by he wasn't even playing - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

#2920786
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36781) - you deserved it (3391)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by skreweduP (woman) - United States

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

#8476151
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28263) - you deserved it (3391)

On 02/20/2010 at 11:22am - love - by Bilirubin (man) - United States (Missouri)



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