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Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

#6201657
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28620) - you deserved it (3238)

On 11/07/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by AuntSucka (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

#6296943
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26451) - you deserved it (3238)

On 11/14/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by runner - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

#7753113
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17209) - you deserved it (3238)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33247) - you deserved it (3238)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

#16543151
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33271) - you deserved it (3238)

On 06/07/2011 at 6:27am - misc - by Sickinbed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17210) - you deserved it (3238)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34959) - you deserved it (3238)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML

#21337468
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32114) - you deserved it (3238)

On 01/15/2015 at 6:35am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

#379
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38265) - you deserved it (3237)

On 11/24/2008 at 1:08am - love - by lectro - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

#13675906
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33579) - you deserved it (3237)

On 11/01/2010 at 3:39pm - misc - by mr_p - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

#15665104
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37772) - you deserved it (3237)

On 04/06/2011 at 1:28pm - misc - by HM (woman) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

#18121591
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32803) - you deserved it (3237)

On 10/31/2011 at 4:06pm - love - by poopcoloredeyes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

#86332
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70644) - you deserved it (3236)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)



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