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Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year old son. He wriggled away and said: "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or find another Simon!" FML

#697
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26656) - you deserved it (3047)

On 01/03/2009 at 10:55pm - kids - by sly - Sent from mobile version

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

#268539
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68396) - you deserved it (3047)

On 03/11/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

#5272541
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38073) - you deserved it (3047)

On 09/15/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Stuckism (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

#8686937
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25097) - you deserved it (3047)

On 02/27/2010 at 10:58am - misc - by msmusiclover7 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

#16328382
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25930) - you deserved it (3047)

On 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

#18070183
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27861) - you deserved it (3047)

On 10/25/2011 at 3:17am - animals - by pinkjade - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

#17770342
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24798) - you deserved it (3047)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:20am - misc - by yeahhhhhommmie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63597) - you deserved it (3047)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

#14430499
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (3046)

On 01/01/2011 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58802) - you deserved it (3046)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

#18670300
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27495) - you deserved it (3046)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (Maryland)

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44253) - you deserved it (3046)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

#260878
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67996) - you deserved it (3045)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by dileigh (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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