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Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26770) - you deserved it (3072)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML

#8651104
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (3072)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:05pm - love - by ifaisal - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML

#16561616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29060) - you deserved it (3072)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

#17334083
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27079) - you deserved it (3072)

On 08/01/2011 at 5:29pm - misc - by Emma - United States (New York)

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

#3772317
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44362) - you deserved it (3071)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm - money - by nsJ (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML

#16738818
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31464) - you deserved it (3071)

On 06/19/2011 at 1:19am - work - by fattymcbutterpants - United States

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

#17688285
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31642) - you deserved it (3071)

On 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm - health - by AudraRose - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

#20053776
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26078) - you deserved it (3071)

On 09/02/2012 at 8:44am - love - by rotezora (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

#86332
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68610) - you deserved it (3070)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

#6829701
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29449) - you deserved it (3070)

On 12/19/2009 at 3:10pm - money - by heatproblems (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

#12109391
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32990) - you deserved it (3070)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm - work - by anon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

#20857695
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37785) - you deserved it (3070)

On 08/28/2013 at 9:25am - misc - by AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse -

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

#19592298
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30239) - you deserved it (3069)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States



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