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Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

by sad / 04/24/2009 at 4:18am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

by maybe? / 02/11/2015 at 11:11am / Germany (Hamburg) / Kids

Today, my husband accidentally erased some pictures from our hard drive. No worries, nothing major: just everything from our wedding and the birth of our first child. FML

by testom / 04/17/2015 at 2:15pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

Today, I made a fatal mistake that may cost my company thousands of dollars. This was right after I got a recognition for my outstanding work last week. FML

by Sewert_5 / 11/10/2015 at 11:16am / Work

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

by notafatlump / 02/02/2011 at 12:07am / Health

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2011 at 7:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years said she was leaving me because recently I wasn't making much money, and was playing too many video games. I recently got a raise at my job of 5 years. The job? Testing video games. FML

by Eric Moore / 09/25/2011 at 4:12am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

by the un-loved child / 07/28/2013 at 6:34pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

by anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:52pm / United States / Love

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

by furryfriend / 09/16/2014 at 2:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I am a Frenchie who's been in England for two months. While wanting to say to my technician that my manager made me groan during our meeting, I said that he made me moan. Now he keeps looking at me with a grin on his face. FML

by ladyhead / 12/18/2008 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull) / Work

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous