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Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

#17610443
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39373) - you deserved it (3568)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML

#19223873
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31418) - you deserved it (3568)

On 03/05/2012 at 9:47pm - animals - by goldfish - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

#20419133
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35040) - you deserved it (3568)

On 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Chanman1924 - United States

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

#20651556
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44768) - you deserved it (3568)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my cousin decided it would be fun to get drunk before my wedding. During the ceremony, he got up on the stage and tried to do a stage dive into the crowd. He landed on my nephew and broke his arm. FML

Today, I was on my way to my first job interview in months. I wasn't even halfway to the place when a bunch of cockbites in a car drove past and hurled a bucket of paint out the window, drenching me and several other people on the street. FML

#21143094
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46690) - you deserved it (3568)

On 05/17/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by spasti-cunt (woman) - Ireland

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouts "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

#5744040
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38466) - you deserved it (3567)

On 10/09/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Charon - United States (Virginia)

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

#6619403
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29004) - you deserved it (3567)

On 12/05/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by paula434 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

#20089963
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22279) - you deserved it (3567)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by wickedbeauty333 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

#19950905
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26535) - you deserved it (3567)

On 07/17/2012 at 5:11pm - love - by Alliente - United States

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

#2733384
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47982) - you deserved it (3566)

On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

#2920786
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38577) - you deserved it (3566)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by skreweduP (woman) - United States

Today, when I went to pick my kid up from daycare, I found out that he had run away. The rest of my afternoon consisted of me screaming his name, looking for him. I then returned to the daycare center. He thought it would be funny if he hid in the trash. FML

#14560893
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31260) - you deserved it (3566)

On 01/12/2011 at 11:42pm - kids - by tatortot7707 (woman) - United States (California)



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