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Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

#17526704
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60639) - you deserved it (3478)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:26am - love - by AlwaysGottaFML - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

#18101640
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31727) - you deserved it (3478)

On 10/29/2011 at 4:56am - love - by cai - United States

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

#20522701
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32484) - you deserved it (3478)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:21am - health - by Brook (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31483) - you deserved it (3478)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, on a flight, I needed to use the restroom. The passenger next to me was in a deep sleep, and was very large, so I couldn't get out by climbing over him. The urge got severe, so I resorted to tapping him on the shoulder. Turns out he had some nice reflexes and hit me in the face. FML

#21229781
72 comments

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40072) - you deserved it (3477)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

#5518308
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27280) - you deserved it (3477)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by NiHao (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

#20011233
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20456) - you deserved it (3477)

On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

#16377162
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28353) - you deserved it (3476)

On 05/27/2011 at 8:04pm - misc - by moron - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

#14521055
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22114) - you deserved it (3475)

On 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28152) - you deserved it (3475) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France



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