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Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2011 at 3:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2014 at 11:30am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

by gp28 / 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm / United States / Love

Today, I discovered that not only is my live-in mother-in-law a fan of Lady Gaga, she dances around the house naked to fully embrace the music. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2011 at 12:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 8:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing "happy birthday". FML

by ididntevendrinkthatnight / 06/07/2013 at 1:14am / United States (New York) / Money

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

by AAnonymous / 11/05/2014 at 8:57am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

by Anasztaizia / 03/26/2015 at 2:58am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML

by victoriassecret / 03/03/2010 at 4:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

by Annonymous / 12/16/2010 at 9:28pm / Animals

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

by ihateguys / 09/26/2014 at 3:13pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my sisters and I were throwing my mom a birthday party. Since I'm not good at baking, I ordered her a really nice and expensive cake. As my daughter and I were headed out the door, she told me she had added some sprinkles to make it pretty. It was the silica beads from a package. FML

by rubber_duckie177 / 09/24/2009 at 7:25am / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous