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Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

#20697100
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39487) - you deserved it (3315)

On 05/31/2013 at 9:54am - misc - by cantwin (man) - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

#21058102
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44254) - you deserved it (3315)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

#21292603
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34097) - you deserved it (3315)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:57am - health - by AAnonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

#4650437
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42896) - you deserved it (3314)

On 08/19/2009 at 5:08am - love - by catguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

#11497127
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38248) - you deserved it (3314)

On 06/27/2010 at 2:03pm - misc - by ac13 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25658) - you deserved it (3314)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

#20569834
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47097) - you deserved it (3314)

On 04/01/2013 at 10:50am - love - by t.hughes (woman) - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

#13464373
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30060) - you deserved it (3313)

On 10/15/2010 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

#13688045
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24445) - you deserved it (3313)

On 11/02/2010 at 1:20pm - work - by speechless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

#19397932
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30673) - you deserved it (3313)

On 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

#5676795
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56949) - you deserved it (3312)

On 10/06/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by blackedout (woman) - Singapore

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

#17246888
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35956) - you deserved it (3312)

On 07/24/2011 at 10:53pm - love - by ugly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53152) - you deserved it (3313)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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