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Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

#16895867
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38267) - you deserved it (2584)

On 06/28/2011 at 10:30am - misc - by adopteddd (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

#19557308
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22991) - you deserved it (2584)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:02am - intimacy - by epicsquishii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

#19995801
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18614) - you deserved it (2584)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:44am - misc - by Emily (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

#3332242
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45854) - you deserved it (2583)

On 06/29/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by shroomda (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

#8779479
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21955) - you deserved it (2583)

On 03/02/2010 at 7:00pm - kids - by csc4lyfe09 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to lunch with my sister. As the waitress was bringing our food, she dropped it on the floor. She apologized and brought us new food. After we finished eating and I looked at the bill, I noticed she'd charged us twice. FML

#17757615
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26989) - you deserved it (2583)

On 09/16/2011 at 12:26pm - money - by Username - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

#17588910
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22821) - you deserved it (2583)

On 08/26/2011 at 8:20pm - health - by Username - United States

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19474) - you deserved it (2583)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

#19880160
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14535) - you deserved it (2583)

On 07/02/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by furious at five in the morning (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

#20407951
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39600) - you deserved it (2583)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm - misc - by SugarMyBalls (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

#3203701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42955) - you deserved it (2582)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:22pm - work - by KP (man) - United States (Texas)



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