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Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

by lonely / 08/01/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML

by wtf / 08/30/2011 at 8:16am / India (Delhi) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

by Alice99 / 11/12/2013 at 12:39pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2015 at 8:46am / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

by Sybille / 12/06/2008 at 7:14am / Love

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

by DHarman / 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

by brokedick / 12/12/2011 at 1:23am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

by just trying to be nice / 06/20/2013 at 10:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

by guh / 08/31/2016 at 11:54am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

by dumbfriend / 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

by fuck / 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Love