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Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

#21305183
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32760) - you deserved it (3600)

On 11/24/2014 at 1:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

#873134
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68258) - you deserved it (3599)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:08pm - kids - by livay315 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn't sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We've been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML

#6873751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40235) - you deserved it (3599)

On 12/21/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by chao (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

#20595880
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40411) - you deserved it (3599)

On 04/16/2013 at 6:50am - work - by no compassion - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

#5564287
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43355) - you deserved it (3598)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:12am - health - by sick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

#6030769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21495) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by timmynotjimmy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next 3 days. FML

#15379875
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37678) - you deserved it (3598)

On 03/19/2011 at 8:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

#20885188
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43639) - you deserved it (3598)

On 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

#21440955
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23001) - you deserved it (3598)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:56am - misc - by distracted - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

#2303239
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57658) - you deserved it (3597)

On 05/26/2009 at 5:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

#14232649
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30706) - you deserved it (3597)

On 12/17/2010 at 4:48am - health - by dmsmcd (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41759) - you deserved it (3597)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

#5692433
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37909) - you deserved it (3596)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:07pm - animals - by gera3gera - United States (California)



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