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Today, as a customer was trying on some outfits, I looked over at her husband for his opinion. The response I got? Him licking his lips. Just then his wife looked up to see me gawking at him in shock. She yelled at me to close my legs and stop checking out her man. FML

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

#4751851
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31901) - you deserved it (3414)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Boltz719 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

#14093587
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (3414)

On 12/05/2010 at 7:48am - love - by Jaded618 - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

#15844059
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32364) - you deserved it (3414)

On 04/19/2011 at 4:23am - misc - by BerkeleyBiker (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

#21350749
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33797) - you deserved it (3414)

On 02/06/2015 at 2:06am - animals - by ZAnon - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

#3154627
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44342) - you deserved it (3413)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Jpah (man) - United States (California)

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

#19515625
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34102) - you deserved it (3413)

On 04/23/2012 at 5:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

#20561443
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33147) - you deserved it (3413)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

#20679356
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39016) - you deserved it (3413)

On 05/22/2013 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

#21100831
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36692) - you deserved it (3413)

On 03/31/2014 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Zeeland)

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33681) - you deserved it (3413)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

#3571839
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44262) - you deserved it (3412)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:02am - kids - by campmom (woman) -

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

#4992541
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42778) - you deserved it (3412)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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