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Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26703) - you deserved it (3068)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

#12401273
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27825) - you deserved it (3068)

On 08/09/2010 at 12:03am - misc - by Widowmaker - Sent from mobile version

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

#17688285
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31556) - you deserved it (3068)

On 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm - health - by AudraRose - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

#18508427
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51307) - you deserved it (3068)

On 12/14/2011 at 12:15am - love - by newlysingle (man) - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

#19592298
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30160) - you deserved it (3068)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States

Today, a friend convinced me that I should throw a big party and invite everyone to come. After fixing a ton of party food, I sat around and waited for my guests to arrive. No one did. FML

#6390668
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31129) - you deserved it (3066)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by tealsoda (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

#8435501
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31735) - you deserved it (3066)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:24am - animals - by OMGraven (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

#12109391
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32915) - you deserved it (3066)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm - work - by anon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

#20053776
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26043) - you deserved it (3066)

On 09/02/2012 at 8:44am - love - by rotezora (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (3065)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

#20554757
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (3065)

On 03/22/2013 at 6:49am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

#86332
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68524) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

#51117
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46273) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)



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