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Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

by Azcrazy / 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm / United States / Work

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

by yosenfal / 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

by hairdresser / 03/09/2013 at 4:05am / Australia / Work

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

by fuck / 03/18/2015 at 1:40pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 9:42pm / United States / Work

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

by Wow. Really? / 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

by yayme. / 07/11/2013 at 6:26pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

by neighbor / 01/26/2014 at 8:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

by single and not mingling / 06/04/2010 at 1:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

by take a fucking seat, gran / 12/14/2013 at 5:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML

by ShadowReaper101 / 12/29/2012 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

by kay-z / 06/21/2014 at 4:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

by sadex / 03/09/2015 at 3:52am / Love