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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

#14752414
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21769) - you deserved it (2622)

On 01/29/2011 at 1:06am - health - by Poopie (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

#18738638
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27148) - you deserved it (2622)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:33pm - health - by tictacnose - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

#13466592
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22876) - you deserved it (2621)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

#20958917
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37458) - you deserved it (2621)

On 11/15/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

#2071358
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43942) - you deserved it (2620)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:17am - health - by OUCH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

#4591074
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46064) - you deserved it (2620)

On 08/17/2009 at 1:43am - love - by TrophyGirlfriend (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

#6983877
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29211) - you deserved it (2620)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML

#13071256
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25705) - you deserved it (2620)

On 09/16/2010 at 5:04am - misc - by itchybollos - Australia

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

#20540861
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32612) - you deserved it (2621)

On 03/12/2013 at 3:03pm - misc - by PhailedMidterm (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

#19247748
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20532) - you deserved it (2619)

On 03/09/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

#6435138
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26208) - you deserved it (2618)

On 11/24/2009 at 11:08am - love - by Yes (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

#6904447
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26621) - you deserved it (2618)

On 12/23/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by extraflavour - United Kingdom (York)

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

#6354900
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (2618)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:52pm - kids - by whatthewhat - United States (Massachusetts)



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