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Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

by FUCK THE PIGS / 01/26/2013 at 3:44pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2014 at 3:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

by RiceSickle / 07/31/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

by lolatmylife / 08/22/2014 at 2:02am / United States / Love

Today, my cat tunneled her way under the covers to sleep beside me. It was really cute until she panicked in the middle of the night and practically skinned me alive trying to find her way out. FML

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

by thesporkhop / 01/25/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, my sister got her car repossessed. In order to get it back, my mom took $4,000.00 out of my bank account promising she would pay it back within a few months. She lost her job. FML

by T4K3R5 / 07/06/2009 at 4:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

by waterballoons / 07/27/2009 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

by roxyriley / 12/07/2009 at 4:30am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML

by Myzyri / 06/08/2010 at 3:11am / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was working retail when a group of older gentlemen came in looking for a good sound system. I showed them a top-range system and gushed about it in detail, trying to close the sale. One of them snorted and said, "See Dave, girls like her are the reason ball gags were invented." FML

by sandi519 / 03/12/2012 at 11:10pm / United States / Work

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

by Marmarfarfar / 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

by hardee fucking har yourself, sir / 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous