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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

#17617939
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30302) - you deserved it (3616)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

#20679212
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (3616)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46261) - you deserved it (3616)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

#21135494
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37695) - you deserved it (3616)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

#21344188
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25015) - you deserved it (3616)

On 01/25/2015 at 8:41pm - work - by WhyMe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

#21310455
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37137) - you deserved it (3616)

On 12/02/2014 at 11:05pm - misc - by clumsyandpoor (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

#4617749
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51125) - you deserved it (3615)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by thedd (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

#4756705
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42165) - you deserved it (3615)

On 08/23/2009 at 7:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

#7203649
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27610) - you deserved it (3615)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

#8506785
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23527) - you deserved it (3615)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:19am - intimacy - by horny21 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

#15061511
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30522) - you deserved it (3615)

On 02/21/2011 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Josie (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

#18991007
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30181) - you deserved it (3615)

On 02/04/2012 at 9:52am - love - by ac-hoo (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML

#18869027
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39449) - you deserved it (3615)

On 01/21/2012 at 8:25am - love - by addicted2v - United States (New York)



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