Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

#17962463
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28506) - you deserved it (3087)

On 10/11/2011 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by dinosaucer - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

#19061872
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24496) - you deserved it (3087)

On 02/12/2012 at 11:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

#19850221
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23759) - you deserved it (3087)

On 06/26/2012 at 11:08am - misc - by EdgardoP - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

#20039589
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20755) - you deserved it (3087)

On 08/24/2012 at 5:00pm - love - by OMFG I LOVE MLP - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34533) - you deserved it (3087)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

#1229
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (3086)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

#12625429
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24925) - you deserved it (3086)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

#9097770
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18740) - you deserved it (3086)

On 03/15/2010 at 5:14am - intimacy - by shygurl434 - United States (Alaska)

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

#863008
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53701) - you deserved it (3085)

On 04/07/2009 at 10:53pm - love - by 4gottenmemories (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

#1519871
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54997) - you deserved it (3085)

On 05/01/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by DudeManBro69 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

#5798197
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28828) - you deserved it (3085)

On 10/12/2009 at 3:31pm - love - by Sucker (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

#12872316
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32470) - you deserved it (3085)

On 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm - work - by confused (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I applied for a dental insurance that claims "you cannot be denied". I was denied. FML

#16464062
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29341) - you deserved it (3085)

On 06/02/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: