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Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

#20696622
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52654) - you deserved it (3846)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

#20871364
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65246) - you deserved it (3846)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by brycepetrillo - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

#21234971
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48571) - you deserved it (3846)

On 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm - work - by poorman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

#21410455
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24687) - you deserved it (3846)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:58am - misc - by Anon - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my dog was all over me, and I couldn't help but notice she kept sniffing towards my boobs. Turns out, she wasn't there to get love from me. She was there for a piece of food that I didn't notice had fallen in my bra. FML

#21474913
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20974) - you deserved it (3846)

On 10/01/2015 at 6:41am - animals - by FereldonBorn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

#5637685
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43498) - you deserved it (3845)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by backtosquareone (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

#8664112
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22585) - you deserved it (3845)

On 02/26/2010 at 1:37pm - love - by canadiansun - United States (Ohio)

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

#19497689
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24260) - you deserved it (3845)

On 04/19/2012 at 9:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

#16473954
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33391) - you deserved it (3845)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:01pm - love - by nikto (man) -

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

#18182863
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32393) - you deserved it (3845)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:24am - work - by Dlord357 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

#19315515
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26703) - you deserved it (3845)

On 03/20/2012 at 6:33pm - love - by anonymous - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31135) - you deserved it (3845)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

#20519764
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35552) - you deserved it (3845)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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