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Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

by :) / 05/29/2013 at 3:31am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

by thanks, cunt-o / 03/01/2014 at 12:23pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2014 at 2:57pm / United States / Work

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

by NaCl / 05/24/2014 at 5:20pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML

by Jim / 04/19/2016 at 1:25pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

by gera3gera / 10/06/2009 at 10:07pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

by fmmlll / 10/18/2010 at 4:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

by Kate / 06/03/2010 at 3:44am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML

by distressed / 11/05/2010 at 7:36pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

by Forever Alone x2 / 01/07/2012 at 2:47pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

by tacky_unrefined / 02/16/2009 at 6:01pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2009 at 10:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

by BigToe / 04/26/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health