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Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

#21117573
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43820) - you deserved it (3187)

On 04/19/2014 at 10:39pm - work - by notmine (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

#6201657
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28037) - you deserved it (3186)

On 11/07/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by AuntSucka (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML

#13642411
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26499) - you deserved it (3186)

On 10/29/2010 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML

#18005500
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29887) - you deserved it (3186)

On 10/17/2011 at 8:12am - intimacy - by STIdiot (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

#20922948
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38650) - you deserved it (3186)

On 10/16/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by Awahso - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

#15968
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49204) - you deserved it (3185)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML

#15062503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26160) - you deserved it (3185)

On 02/21/2011 at 5:22am - misc - by meme71 -

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

#16181448
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35117) - you deserved it (3186)

On 05/15/2011 at 12:49am - misc - by jruth7 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

#16882542
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39464) - you deserved it (3185)

On 06/27/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by mavstrr1764847 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

#2853561
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49199) - you deserved it (3184)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:15am - love - by e.middlechild (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

#17030177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26054) - you deserved it (3184)

On 07/08/2011 at 4:02pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

#20528775
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30721) - you deserved it (3184)

On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

#761537
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65387) - you deserved it (3183)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by Dude - United States (California)



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