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Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

#8409963
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22336) - you deserved it (3855)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm - love - by gp28 - United States

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

#17404409
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56907) - you deserved it (3855)

On 08/08/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

#17471195
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33891) - you deserved it (3855)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

#19370577
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24286) - you deserved it (3855)

On 03/29/2012 at 4:16pm - work - by nicoleee - United States

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

#41639
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43526) - you deserved it (3854)

On 02/14/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by semi-depressed (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

#5814625
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28934) - you deserved it (3854)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:04am - money - by latepayer (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boss lectured me on the evils of alcohol and how it was 'prohibited' during the 1980s. I said nothing because he hates being corrected. FML

#15174288
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28213) - you deserved it (3854)

On 03/02/2011 at 10:28am - work - by Squinty6 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

#18968605
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37261) - you deserved it (3854)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by manhandled - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

#19986172
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27443) - you deserved it (3854)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

#20575140
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43295) - you deserved it (3854)

On 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm - kids - by icanthearyou (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing "happy birthday". FML

#20711068
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59965) - you deserved it (3854)

On 06/07/2013 at 1:14am - money - by ididntevendrinkthatnight - United States (New York)

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

#13466592
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31963) - you deserved it (3853)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

#19333832
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20913) - you deserved it (3853)

On 03/23/2012 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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