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Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

#19134075
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21148) - you deserved it (2654)

On 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by kohler9790 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

#20872688
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37992) - you deserved it (2654)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:07am - love - by laundry day again... - United States

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

#6041227
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32850) - you deserved it (2653)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:19pm - work - by uglyyyyy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I came home from work to find my computer smashed into a hundred pieces. My dad threw it at my mom because they were having a fight and my computer was the closest thing to throw. He refuses to fix it. FML

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

#16592399
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30596) - you deserved it (2653)

On 06/10/2011 at 7:40am - misc - by leftbehind (man) - Colombia (Antioquia)

Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML

#20835313
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36477) - you deserved it (2653)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

#20994255
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34740) - you deserved it (2653)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by Mary (woman) - United States

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

#13829911
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25095) - you deserved it (2652)

On 11/13/2010 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

#14251637
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27312) - you deserved it (2652)

On 12/18/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Dopeboyfresh71 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

#14520919
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19195) - you deserved it (2652)

On 01/09/2011 at 1:25pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a filling. Instead of giving me Novocaine, my dentist decided he was going to use a special new paste on me while he drilled. It didn't work. FML

#16764992
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30809) - you deserved it (2652)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:21pm - health - by StupidDentist (man) - United States (California)

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

#20941234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36977) - you deserved it (2652)

On 11/01/2013 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Champignon (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

#21063588
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33483) - you deserved it (2652)

On 02/17/2014 at 5:41pm - work - by kdubz23 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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