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Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

#21006901
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33338) - you deserved it (3116)

On 12/27/2013 at 1:40am - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

#4081805
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61714) - you deserved it (3115)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

#17966931
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20557) - you deserved it (3115)

On 10/12/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by octoberrain - United States

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

#18504719
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24919) - you deserved it (3115)

On 12/13/2011 at 5:43pm - work - by thathottchickk - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

#8132919
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24464) - you deserved it (3114)

On 02/11/2010 at 3:13pm - money - by extants - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

#15702411
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41419) - you deserved it (3114)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:02am - love - by WhatTheBleep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

#17248199
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36178) - you deserved it (3114)

On 07/25/2011 at 12:14am - health - by sisi9999 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I opened my new clothing store. My only customer was my mom and the only reason she came in was to tell me that someone stole my sign. FML

#16307240
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34184) - you deserved it (3114)

On 05/23/2011 at 12:26am - work - by 11lyss1 -

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

#19342755
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28844) - you deserved it (3114)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:49am - animals - by uh-oh - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24041) - you deserved it (3114)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

#19817734
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25070) - you deserved it (3114)

On 06/20/2012 at 8:46am - work - by notanidiot - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

#20807935
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42385) - you deserved it (3114)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:23pm - work - by fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo (man) - United States

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

#20891277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39039) - you deserved it (3114)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by SeriouslyDad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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