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Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2010 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 1:06pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 6:44am / United States / Health

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

by dope_mcfly / 01/29/2014 at 11:55am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

by kubbyp / 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2014 at 6:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

by dreamdude / 09/20/2009 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

by aarone23 / 06/01/2011 at 9:30am / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML

Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

by What? / 01/22/2013 at 2:00pm / Australia / Animals

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2014 at 11:30am / Miscellaneous