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Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

#17497272
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23847) - you deserved it (3327)

On 08/17/2011 at 3:14am - money - by AshamedDaughter - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24515) - you deserved it (3327)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

#18135742
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28272) - you deserved it (3326)

On 11/02/2011 at 1:06am - misc - by steve-o - United States

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43126) - you deserved it (3325)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of 15 months broke up with me. Best part? I just picked up an expensive sterling silver ring engraved with Forever and Always for her last week (she knew about this). The other best part? She asked if she could still have it and if she could keep my hamster. FML

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

#14444191
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22149) - you deserved it (3325)

On 01/02/2011 at 9:58pm - work - by sleepy (woman) - Norway

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27442) - you deserved it (3325)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44709) - you deserved it (3325)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

#21098906
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37554) - you deserved it (3325)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

#13125278
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29894) - you deserved it (3324)

On 09/20/2010 at 5:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

#20613954
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51067) - you deserved it (3324)

On 04/22/2013 at 7:37pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

#20963751
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37389) - you deserved it (3325)

On 11/19/2013 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

#20961862
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38027) - you deserved it (3324)

On 11/18/2013 at 5:14am - kids - by kids next door - United States (North Carolina)



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