Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

#17948133
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47342) - you deserved it (3471)

On 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm - love - by DyingPlants (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

#20011233
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20382) - you deserved it (3471)

On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

#21323893
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33354) - you deserved it (3471)

On 12/25/2014 at 10:17am - intimacy - by whovian - United States (Maine)

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39981) - you deserved it (3470)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my landlord informed me that after 8 months, we are finally getting cable and internet in our house. I move out tomorrow. FML

#15948850
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31431) - you deserved it (3470)

On 04/27/2011 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39416) - you deserved it (3470)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30201) - you deserved it (3470)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

#6594222
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24289) - you deserved it (3469)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by drama_queen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

#5466337
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68600) - you deserved it (3469)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

#18101640
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31645) - you deserved it (3469)

On 10/29/2011 at 4:56am - love - by cai - United States

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

#20651556
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43470) - you deserved it (3469)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

#20723714
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45754) - you deserved it (3469)

On 06/13/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52823) - you deserved it (3469)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: